Tantrums to travels

Here’s a little secret that they don’t teach you in the parenting books – things sneak up on you. Sure, you’ve memorized the developmental charts and you know that at certain points, your child is going to go through stages. Things might happen. Unpleasant things. But, you’ve read the books, studied the charts, are able to understand, and therefore, rationalize your child’s behaviour, so you’ll have the patience and control to deal with it. Yay right! Good luck with that one.

What the parenting books don’t tell you is that your little angel doesn’t go from a peaceful, good-natured doll to a screaming banshee over night. You don’t wake up one morning to find that your child is now in the disequilibrium stage and therefore is likely to be difficult, prone to tantrums, stubborn. You don’t tick off stages the way you do days on a calendar. No, no, no. You’re child has been steadily, subtly building towards this. So by the time your parent-delayed brain recognizes what’s happening, it’s too late. You’ve already inadvertently reinforced the behaviour you’re trying to avoid on a number of occasions. You have been complicit in the creation of the writhing, demonic creature in front of you that you can’t possibly recognize as your child above the shrill-cries and tortured convulsions that are the full blown temper tantrum (all because you didn’t get her boots on fast enough, or she dropped the cookie).

As you can tell from the above, right on target, Kiyomi has introduced us to the joys of the temper tantrum. That sweet little face twists and contorts, the lips part in the build-up to the echoing scream, and that little body throws itself onto the floor, arms and legs flaying as if Stephen King had written the script.

Thankfully, the real action didn’t start until after our trip to Australia. We’re guessing that it was just pure exhaustion that stemmed the arrival of the all out tantrum. Between the 36 straight hours of travel, the myriad of airplanes and plethora of time zones, I didn’t even know which way was up half the time. It was little wonder Kiyomi could only muster resigned acquiescence as we stood her yet again in front of the camera, steered her to another beach or introduced her to yet another zoo. A good time was had by all, and Kiyomi now knows more about marsupials than any 2 ½ year old should really be subjected to. Needless to say, a ridiculous number of pictures were taken and we’re all still bragging about the sandal tans! For those of you contemplating a long trip of any kind with a toddler, I have three words - portable dvd player. It saved us (or at least our marriage) as travelling for 36 straight hours with a toddler is an experience akin to ... well, I'm not sure there's anything like it on the planet. Interestingly, it seems that Kiyomi’s words increased ten-fold while we were travelling. Now, it could be that she finally managed to train our ears properly, but by the end of the trip, she was pretty much holding her own in conversations. Oh sure, she wasn’t postulating on the outcome of the US primaries, but she was certainly able to tell you that the kangaroo was hopping and eating cones!

After 2 ½ weeks travelling together, there were some daycare re-entry issues. Not only was there jet-lag to contend with, but Kiyomi objected rather strenuously to being back at school even though she was happy to see her friends and teachers. The mornings were rough for a couple weeks as we all strove to find our new routine – not helped by the impending shadow of the holidays looming which meant a normal routine was pretty much nixed. This was when we started to see the foreshadowing of the tantrums, but we initially just chalked it up to jet-lag and routine re-entry. We also started to see the first stirrings of real, and constant, clinginess (also supposed to be age appropriate). Nothing like trying to unwrap your child’s iron grip from your leg, while she’s screaming ‘mama, mama’ with tears streaming down her face to make you fill like the most vile parent on the planet.

Upon our return from Australia, we pretty much plunged straight into Christmas where Kiyomi got a double dose of family as both our extended families made the trek to Ottawa this year. She was a little puzzled as to why unca braom and unca tistan seemed to sleep all the time, but other than that, I think she enjoyed having a house full of people.

The Suzuki wave arrived shortly after the Miller one departed, so there was some hard on the heels visiting. Exhausting, but fun. Some challenges, as Kiyomi had a pretty bad cold for much of the holidays and wasn’t the most gracious hostess for her cousins. Again, nothing like having to discipline your child’s behaviour (even though you know that you dragging her all over the place, keeping her up late, and forcing her to visit , is probably the reason for the behaviour) to make you feel like the rotten parent of the year.

Lest you think it’s only been negatives over the last little while, there have been some wonderful ups. We’ve more or less successfully conquered toilet training. It took her a couple of months, but Kiyomi has finally trained us. Sure, there are still occasional accidents, but we’re pretty much there (at least during the day).

This winter has been pretty much ideal for us ski-types. Snow up the wazoo, and Kiyomi loves to play in it. Luckily for us (although maybe not so much for her), she also still fits in the ski-pulk, so we’ve been out a few times already this year. Again this year, she goes into it with a sort of resigned expression on her face, recognizing that she’s just going to have to put up with these crazy things her parents do until she’s big enough to out-ski them!

Kiyomi moved up to pre-school just this week and is now holding her own with the big kids. It’s still early days, but she seems to be enjoying being with the bigger kids. With the move, she’s gone from being one of the oldest to one of the youngest in her group – and she looks so small next to the others in her class now. However, she seems to respond well to the older kids and we’re fully expecting she’ll be bringing home all sorts of new tricks.

Overall though, she’s developing from a toddler to a little girl. She’s just starting with imaginative play, which is fascinating to watch, and has embarked on the toddler independence streak of “me do!” She talks a blue streak and has clear ideas on what she wants (and doesn’t want). She’s certainly keeping us busy (as evidenced by the lack of any real blogging activity as of late) and we're loving every minute of it (just about - could live without the banshee experience).


If we haven't managed to touch base with you yet, a very happy new year to you and all the best for 2008!

The parting shot for tonight shows Kiyomi playing Timon to her dad's Pumba... hakuna matata from Ottawa.