California dreamin

You always hear that parenting is all about surprises. No matter how organized you are, or how attached you are to plans and schedules, the one thing kids will teach you from the get go is that organization is the equivalent to fool’s gold. Provides you with a little comfort, maybe some hope, but in the end, it’s an illusion. You need to be able to go with the flow cause plans are going to change.

But what you don’t often hear about are the pleasant surprises. One of the things that I have found shocking about parenting is how fascinated I am watching my kid learn and grow. It seems unreal to me that this little itty bitty thing who 2 short years ago couldn’t walk or talk is now, not only running and talking up a storm, but has the capacity to reason, to decipher, to kid around, to be sarcastic, to draw conclusions, to imagine and to pretend. The toddler years are mesmerizing to watch because this is the period where your child goes from being a little lump of cute smiles to her own independent, thinking, self with ideas, emotions and opinions all of her own. Of course I know I’m going to curse that when she hits the teenage years, but for the moment, it’s amazing to watch.

It sounds strange, and it’s hard to relate, but the tiniest things are absolutely amazing to me. We got Kiyomi a trike in the spring, and while she enjoyed sitting on it, she wasn’t really getting the hang of peddling. We wound up not really using it much over the summer, but a couple weeks ago, we decided to give it a go again. Kiyomi hopped on that thing like she’d been riding it her whole life and took off around the block! We stood there stunned, with our faces stuck between shock and awe and hopelessly prideful grins – that was of course until we noticed she wasn’t showing any signs of slowing down as she approached the street corner.

Driving the other day, one of us asked her a simple question, something that would usually have a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer. “Would you like pizza for dinner?” The response: “Well, I don’t know.” I know, it seems so simple, and natural and part of learning and cognitive development, but I knew this child when she was learning the difference between “yes” and “no”, and here she was answering a question with nuance and interjection. I mean when did that happen? How did it happen?

Most recently, while the Olympics were on in Beijing, I would listen to the round up of events on the radio in the morning. CBC would lead in with a little theme music, and the announcer would start in with “Today in Beijing…”, and a little voice would pipe up from the breakfast table “Mommy, my Beijing!” She can tell you she was born in China, and lives in Canada, and will show you the different places on a map. When you ask her where she lives, she’ll happily say “Ottawa”. She will ‘read’ you a story, leafing through a book she’s read 100 times, and retell the story completely accurately. Again, I know the psychology involved – she’s reached the age where she’s starting to place herself in the outside world, relate to things beyond her parents, develop the ability to recognize humour and nuance. It’s all developmentally accurate, yet when you watch it happen with your child, it is one of the most amazing things I’ve ever witnessed. The effect it’s had on me is indescribable – there is pride of course, but wonder it probably the stronger emotion.

Despite my wonder and amazement, we’ve still been leading pretty busy lives this summer. There’ve been trips to cottages, to Mont Tremblant, lots of summer fun at parks, swimming pools and of course, lots of ice cream. There was the annual trip to the fair with Ella. The girls had a blast this year, running from ride to ride, taking it all in and grinning like crazy. That was of course until we decided that it’d be worth it to put them on the kiddie roller coaster. The first couple passes were fine, even though it was a little bumpy, by the 3rd, we had looks of incredulity that pretty much said ‘what is wrong with these people, and why did they put me on this thing?’ By the 4th pass, there were tears and looks of disgust. Thankfully, the ride ended at that point, so there wasn’t lifelong scarring, despite the fact that Kohji and I were pretty much helpless with laughter.

We also took off for a week in sunny coastal California, which turned out to be fabulous. Apparently, all you need to amuse a toddler for hours on end are sun, sand and surf. Oh sure, we hit a couple parks, the San Diego Zoo and a wonderful aquarium in Monterey, but those didn’t hold a candle to a toddler mind cause they were competing with the ability to chase seagulls and waves for hours on end. Kiyomi would spend the first hour or so every time we hit a beach either clambering over huge rocks insisting that we call her Ariel (from Little Mermaid fame) or tearing up and down the sand running into the water up to her knees than running away screaming in sheer delight. I tell you, she was having so much fun, I briefly considered doing the same thing, but decided against it for fear of arrest! As for the zoo, she was able to get nose to nose with monkeys, hippos, gorillas, etc…, but the absolute highlight there were the meerkats and the large metal hippo that she could clamber up onto. As far as the entire zoo was concerned (or at leasy any child within ear shot), “this hippo is all of ours, you can have a turn, but is my turn after, ok?” See, there’s that capacity for reasoning showing itself loud and clear.

Kiyomi also said good-bye to the 'ole crib, and is now officially sleeping in the 'big girl bed'. The transition proved to me remarkably smooth, but then again, I think it's fair to say we were pretty lazy. Her toes were practially coming out of the end of the crib before we decided to make the switch (and Kohji kept arguing that she slept curled up anyway, so what's the rush). However, it was time. Luckily for us, while she knows she can get out of bed on her own, she seems to have to desire too. We still hear the little voice in the morning... "Mommy, it's morningggggg!"

Next adventure, will be figuring out the morass and administrative hell that is j.k. registration (which I should point out isn't until next year, but I've already been told that I waited to long to get on the waiting list for daycares). My first foray – calling the local school to get information on what’s available in or at least coordinated with the school for after care – was akin to banging my head against a large (and rather rude) brick wall. I can honestly say (and I won’t use school names to protect the innocent) that I have never had to deal with a less helpful or more overtly rude person in my life (and I work for government, so that’s saying something). This does not bode well for what I expect to be future interactions with our local school system. Of course, calling on the second week of school was probably not the smartest idea I ever had, but I know if I wait too long, I’ll undoubtedly hear… “oh, you should have called months ago”. Sigh…

Parting shot for tonight is from Kiyomi's birthday. Pretty much says it all.

Good night, from Ottawa

July Milestones

As always, July is a month of occasions for our little family.

On July 2nd, we marked our adoption day. Two years ago, Kiyomi was put into our arms, and we haven't let go of each other since. Adoption day is always a mix of emotions and recollections, and we were fortunate to mark the occasson with Kohji's family, sitting on a lovely deck overlooking a peaceful Canadian shield lake. It seemed somehow fitting, although I couldn't coax the loons to make an appearance to really make it a Heritage Moment!

And of course, tomorrow is Kiyomi's 3rd birthday. Hard to believe our little girl is already 3 years old (but she'll happily tell you if you ask). When asked what she wanted for her birthday dinner, she said cake. When I told her that cake was for dessert, and she needed to choose something different for dinner, she said "chocolate cake." Ah well, what can you do, she is her father's daughter.

I figured the best way to mark these milestones is to take a look back over the last year to see how much she's grown, and how much we've changed as a family. So, I'm posting a little movie that looks back over the last 12 months or so (and yes, it's set to a cheesy song, which some of you out there might remember for our university days)!

Once again, I thank our little girl for bringing so much to our lives. She teaches us more everyday and we still marvel at the strange twists of fate that brought us together. We are more as a family, than we could ever have been alone, and for that, we are eternally grateful.

Good night, from Ottawa.

Giving in

Most of you are used to reading lengthy rambling with every post. Because of this, and because it seems to take me hours to write up something and post pictures, posts have been far and few between. So, I've decided to listen to a very wise woman (thank you Colette) and my husband, who have told me on a number of occasions to stop worrying about the ramble and post pictures. So I'm giving in to fatigue. I'll endeavour to post occasionally with a little more diatribe, but for the moment - a photo essay of the last couple months will have to do.

post script - it was way easier to do this!

Gives you an idea of what the weird weather here this spring

First trike ride (look out pedestrians)

Picasso she ain't, but circles are something

Princess?

Ah, the smirk

Ya, right mom

Hiking Kiyomi style with Kenji and Aya

We're so proud

The hairdo of choice these days ... also known as "cwazy hair"

They weren't kidding when they said 'caterpillar role'

Driving Kenji and Aya's new car (wait till she asks for the keys)

Don't ask me, I just live in this house

The parting shot for tonight (if it works) is actually a video of Kiyomi's premiere as a conductor (yes, her instruments are two singing frogs and a singing pig). Good night from Ottawa.

What the…?

As I sit and write this, Eastern Ontario is bracing for yet another winter storm. According to our friends at Environment Canada, we’re expecting up to another 50 centimeters of the stuff in the next 36 hours. This, I should point out, is on top of the already 355 centimeters we’re received so far this year.

Now, it should be noted that we in this house are actually snow junkies. Generally, we love the stuff. But, enough is enough. We are officially ceding property to the snow because there is just nowhere else to put it. Our arms are aching from shoveling (well, at least Kohji’s are cause I make him do most of it), we can’t see out the windows for the snow piles and the general morale of the city is slipping into snow despair.

Thankfully, the snow hasn’t brought a screeching halt to all winter activities. Between the digging and scrapping, we’ve managed to get out and about for some fun. In early February, we got together with a number of adoptive families we know to celebrate Chinese New Year. We are now into the year of the rat (eh, maybe that explains all the snow). Our little group had a great time, with the main activity being watching the toddlers tear around the room. Our kids are all getting so big, and it’s incredible to watch them all together. I can almost imagine a time when they sit there as teenagers at a similar gathering, giggling and colluding.

We took advantage of the record snow to get away for a ski weekend at Mont Tremblant. Kiyomi had the chance to hang out all day with Ella and Alex, by far some of her most favourite people – while moms and dads took advantage of a babysitting service and hit the slopes. Kiyomi was ecstatic to hang out with the cool kids, and mom and dad were rather excited to have the opportunity to actually ski together (well, ok, more like ski in tandem cause lets face it, there is no way I could possibly keep up with Kohji).

Friends from Winnipeg, Pat and Sheila, came for an all too brief visit to take in some of the Winterlude festivities. Kiyomi loved waking them up every morning, and I think they even decided to stop sleeping naked by the last morning when Kiyomi tromped up the stairs yelling "Pat and Sheea, where r uuu"? I also managed to con Pat into dragging the ski pulk on one excursion to Gatineau park, so that was a major score!

We took part in our tenth annual Lumina Lodge excursion near Algonquin Park. This time, Kiyomi spent three days with her most favourite person of all times – her cousin Mika. The girls got on amazingly well and spent a great deal of time wearing princess dresses, giggling and playing in the snow. Kiyomi even went skiing for the first time, and seemed to really love it. It took Kohji a good long time to convince her to take them off and head into the cabin (I believe the promise of a cookie was involved). Of course, I discovered a few days after getting home that Kiyomi had actually been pocketing utensils from the cabin, and brought them home with her to proudly display at daycare!

As for day to day life, it trundles along well. Kiyomi has settled into the pre-school room at school and seems to be liking it a lot. She’s certainly learning more and more, and I have no doubt she’s ready for it. But I confess to the occasional pang when I drop her off. She’s definitely one of the smallest and youngest in her class, and when I leave her, she looks so little that I have to fight the urge to grab her and run. But she’s learning to assert herself more and more, as evidenced by her occasional firm assertions of “no mommy, I don’t like that!” She’s also picking up a little French along the way - rather surprising to us when we heard her count in French the other day.

We’re getting a real kick out of Kiyomi’s ‘pretend’ play. It’s pretty hilarious to watch her concocts scenarios for all of us. A typical exchange with her might be something like: “ok, ok, ok, ok, you, you, you, be Dora, you be Boots and I Swipper”. You can substitute Simba, Nala, Pumba and Timon if you prefer, but you get the gist. She also has developed a fondness for pretending to be a cat, and will meow and crawl into your lap. You can actually carry on an entire conversation with her in “meows”. That exchange is a little more tedious:

Kiyomi – “meow, meow, meow”
Me – “meow, meow”
Kiyomi – “meeow, meow, meow, meow”

Well, you get the idea. This can go on for quite some time.

Her independent streak is definitely growing, and we often hear “I do it!” Whether it’s put on her jacket, get in the car seat or vacuum the floor, she definitely has ideas about who should be doing what. I don’t mind saying she’s got a wee bit of a bossy streak going on as well, and has no compulsion about telling you exactly what you should be doing at any given moment.

That said - and fair warning, I pass this along as one of those proud parent moments – I wound up taking her to my guitar lesson a couple weeks ago and was rather amazed with how incredibly well she behaved. She watched my teacher intently and tried to mimic his foot tapping, which she happily bopped along in her chair to his rendition of “Bare Necessities”from The Juggle Book. She was priceless to watch!

Of course, I had a less proud moment about 3 weeks ago when this blasted winter managed to freeze both locks on our car doors. Kohji had to climb through the trunk and Kiyomi and I went in through the window. It was, admittedly, hilarious. But, it was a little on the embarrassing side a little later when we had to haul Kiyomi out of the window at the daycare, as she was yelling “yeehaw” thanks to the Dukes of Hazard yell I had taught her going in. Yup, just another one of those proud parent moments!

Although not the custom for me, I close this entry on a rather sad note. We had a wonderful time celebrating Chinese New Year with some of the families with whom we traveled to China, but I had a few very sad moments watching our beautiful girls. My thoughts went to another amazing little girl who should have been around to celebrate, but who passed away unexpectedly this past November. Faith was from the same orphanage as Kiyomi. The two girls were born only a few days apart and we had the incredible honour of watching Faith be united with her parents. Her death has been deeply felt by all of us in our travel group, and our thoughts are often with her parents who miss her horribly. Faith was definitely with us as we honoured her heritage and the land of her birth, and I believe she will always be in our hearts.

The parting shot for tonight just screams 1000 words. Good night from a rather snowy Ottawa.

Tantrums to travels

Here’s a little secret that they don’t teach you in the parenting books – things sneak up on you. Sure, you’ve memorized the developmental charts and you know that at certain points, your child is going to go through stages. Things might happen. Unpleasant things. But, you’ve read the books, studied the charts, are able to understand, and therefore, rationalize your child’s behaviour, so you’ll have the patience and control to deal with it. Yay right! Good luck with that one.

What the parenting books don’t tell you is that your little angel doesn’t go from a peaceful, good-natured doll to a screaming banshee over night. You don’t wake up one morning to find that your child is now in the disequilibrium stage and therefore is likely to be difficult, prone to tantrums, stubborn. You don’t tick off stages the way you do days on a calendar. No, no, no. You’re child has been steadily, subtly building towards this. So by the time your parent-delayed brain recognizes what’s happening, it’s too late. You’ve already inadvertently reinforced the behaviour you’re trying to avoid on a number of occasions. You have been complicit in the creation of the writhing, demonic creature in front of you that you can’t possibly recognize as your child above the shrill-cries and tortured convulsions that are the full blown temper tantrum (all because you didn’t get her boots on fast enough, or she dropped the cookie).

As you can tell from the above, right on target, Kiyomi has introduced us to the joys of the temper tantrum. That sweet little face twists and contorts, the lips part in the build-up to the echoing scream, and that little body throws itself onto the floor, arms and legs flaying as if Stephen King had written the script.

Thankfully, the real action didn’t start until after our trip to Australia. We’re guessing that it was just pure exhaustion that stemmed the arrival of the all out tantrum. Between the 36 straight hours of travel, the myriad of airplanes and plethora of time zones, I didn’t even know which way was up half the time. It was little wonder Kiyomi could only muster resigned acquiescence as we stood her yet again in front of the camera, steered her to another beach or introduced her to yet another zoo. A good time was had by all, and Kiyomi now knows more about marsupials than any 2 ½ year old should really be subjected to. Needless to say, a ridiculous number of pictures were taken and we’re all still bragging about the sandal tans! For those of you contemplating a long trip of any kind with a toddler, I have three words - portable dvd player. It saved us (or at least our marriage) as travelling for 36 straight hours with a toddler is an experience akin to ... well, I'm not sure there's anything like it on the planet. Interestingly, it seems that Kiyomi’s words increased ten-fold while we were travelling. Now, it could be that she finally managed to train our ears properly, but by the end of the trip, she was pretty much holding her own in conversations. Oh sure, she wasn’t postulating on the outcome of the US primaries, but she was certainly able to tell you that the kangaroo was hopping and eating cones!

After 2 ½ weeks travelling together, there were some daycare re-entry issues. Not only was there jet-lag to contend with, but Kiyomi objected rather strenuously to being back at school even though she was happy to see her friends and teachers. The mornings were rough for a couple weeks as we all strove to find our new routine – not helped by the impending shadow of the holidays looming which meant a normal routine was pretty much nixed. This was when we started to see the foreshadowing of the tantrums, but we initially just chalked it up to jet-lag and routine re-entry. We also started to see the first stirrings of real, and constant, clinginess (also supposed to be age appropriate). Nothing like trying to unwrap your child’s iron grip from your leg, while she’s screaming ‘mama, mama’ with tears streaming down her face to make you fill like the most vile parent on the planet.

Upon our return from Australia, we pretty much plunged straight into Christmas where Kiyomi got a double dose of family as both our extended families made the trek to Ottawa this year. She was a little puzzled as to why unca braom and unca tistan seemed to sleep all the time, but other than that, I think she enjoyed having a house full of people.

The Suzuki wave arrived shortly after the Miller one departed, so there was some hard on the heels visiting. Exhausting, but fun. Some challenges, as Kiyomi had a pretty bad cold for much of the holidays and wasn’t the most gracious hostess for her cousins. Again, nothing like having to discipline your child’s behaviour (even though you know that you dragging her all over the place, keeping her up late, and forcing her to visit , is probably the reason for the behaviour) to make you feel like the rotten parent of the year.

Lest you think it’s only been negatives over the last little while, there have been some wonderful ups. We’ve more or less successfully conquered toilet training. It took her a couple of months, but Kiyomi has finally trained us. Sure, there are still occasional accidents, but we’re pretty much there (at least during the day).

This winter has been pretty much ideal for us ski-types. Snow up the wazoo, and Kiyomi loves to play in it. Luckily for us (although maybe not so much for her), she also still fits in the ski-pulk, so we’ve been out a few times already this year. Again this year, she goes into it with a sort of resigned expression on her face, recognizing that she’s just going to have to put up with these crazy things her parents do until she’s big enough to out-ski them!

Kiyomi moved up to pre-school just this week and is now holding her own with the big kids. It’s still early days, but she seems to be enjoying being with the bigger kids. With the move, she’s gone from being one of the oldest to one of the youngest in her group – and she looks so small next to the others in her class now. However, she seems to respond well to the older kids and we’re fully expecting she’ll be bringing home all sorts of new tricks.

Overall though, she’s developing from a toddler to a little girl. She’s just starting with imaginative play, which is fascinating to watch, and has embarked on the toddler independence streak of “me do!” She talks a blue streak and has clear ideas on what she wants (and doesn’t want). She’s certainly keeping us busy (as evidenced by the lack of any real blogging activity as of late) and we're loving every minute of it (just about - could live without the banshee experience).


If we haven't managed to touch base with you yet, a very happy new year to you and all the best for 2008!

The parting shot for tonight shows Kiyomi playing Timon to her dad's Pumba... hakuna matata from Ottawa.