Surviving Toys R' Us

Our first real foray into the world of parenthood was a shopping excursion to the mecca of all things bobbled and brightly coloured - Toys R' Us.

Let me be absotutely clear, this is not a store, it is an ADD inducement chamber (thanks to Daniel for that literary reference). There are entire walls of plastic gizmos and cotton doodads. Shelves overflowing with everything from playdoe to diapers. Children running wild with sensory overload, while in the distance, the faint echoes of 'It's a Small World After All' induces parents into comatose stuppors as a means of escaping the sensory bombardment (or at least as a means of escaping their children who are latched onto their legs pleading for the giant Dora pillow or the Thomas the Train poster thanks to the full package of Nerds, conveniently placed at the right height for 4 year old hands, that they downed almost as soon as they set foot in the store). Ok, I'm taking a little poetic liscence here, but I've had sugar highs that were less intense.

There were entire walls in that place that we, as complete novices, were unable to decipher. All we could figure out from the packaging was that if we did not buy this product for our child, she would obviously wind up sick, uncared for and unloved... or a used car salesperson. It was never really that clear. Luckily, we had a cell phone! Unluckily, all the people we could think to call had lives, and so weren't home. We were on our own...

Our first hurdle, diapers. There was an entire wall of them. Now it's hard enough picking out diapers when you're pretty much guessing at the approximately weight of your child, since the info you have on her is about 5 months old. But, the diaper companies make it that much harder by absolutely guaranteeing if you don't use their product, you will ruin your child for life. After a futile 10 minutes trying to figure out just what the heck was different between huggies, pampers and the other guys, we finally picked the package that seemed to have the greatest weight range (16-32 pds.)

After that rousing success, we moved on to the bottles, where we were totally out of our league. You can't just pick-up a couple bottles. Nope. You have to commit to an entire bottle feeding system. And woes for your baby if you pick the wrong one, because you will be condemning your angel to either starvation - whilst they try to draw liquid from a tiny-itty bitty hole in the nipple - or chronic gas - from the inappropriate bottle that you chose. This is the point where we dove for the cell phone. After that failed, we retreated to the same strategy we use for picking bottles of wine - we went for the ones with the pretty pictures on them.

At the end of the day, we came home with a couple bags of stuff, and muttled through with our own unique version. The picture kinda explains it all:

Yup, that's a bag of rice in a Snugli.

Despite our shopping ineptitude, we do have confirmed travel plans. We leave Ottawa on Tuesday, June 27th, and arrive in Beijing on Wednesday, June 28th. In-country travel details are still forthcoming, but we expect to travel to Nanchang on July 2nd, and finally get to pick-up Kiyomi on July 3rd (if I remember right, that's also Geno's birthday).

Excitement is definitely starting to build... only 31 days until we leave!

On the paper trail...

So, a little more on the adoption process. When you finally get word that your child is there, waiting for you, the first thing you need to do is... paper work! Not quite mountains of it yet, but you fill out a bunch of forms and trundle them off to the adoption agency.

We met with our social worker last week and filled out all the requisite forms, signed them, copied them, sealed them and delivered them. As a result, we have now FORMALLY accepted the referral and promised to love and cherish Kiyomi for ever and ever (of course, that was the easy part). Poor Kiyomi doesn't quite have the same luxury - it seems she's stuck with us.

On a more interesting note, we now have confirmed travel dates - June 30 to July 14. We're hoping to get there a couple days early to get over jetlag and get our bearings, but for all intents and purposes, we must aim to be in Beijing by Saturday, July 1. No itinerary yet. That should come in early June. However, we have been told that we will be travelling to Nanchang, the provincial capital of Jiangxi.

As you can tell from the maps, Nanchang is in the southeast of the country, and sits on the banks of the Gan River, about 60 kms south of the more well known Yangtze River. It is also located near China's largest freshwater lake, Poyang Lake. The city is small by Chinese standards with only approximately 2 million people. Historically, it is the site of the Nanchang Uprising - the first major conflict between the Communists and the Kuomintang on August 1, 1927.


This area of Jiangxi is known for porcelain and has been a bit of a grain basket, as the fertile soil in the area makes it China's leading grain producer. Weather-wise, we can expect it to be pretty darn steamy with an average July high of 33 degrees celsius. Sun hats, sun screen and tank tops are already on the list...

Through the paperwork, we also had to come to a final decision on Kiyomi's full name. We've decided her full name will be Kiyomi Jin-Dian Miller. Hope she likes it!

Thanks to all of you you have sent congratulations and such a warm welcome to Kiyomi. We'll be saving all your emails and posts to show her when she gets older, and let her know how much excitement and happiness her arrival caused.

Let the Kiyomi tales begin...

The last week has been one hell of a whirlwind, but we have now come down from the clouds -literally and figuratively. I got back from Whistler on Tuesday afternoon (and for the record, despite efforts to the contrary, Lauren and I experienced smooth sailing with not a single navigational crisis at 4:30 in the morning), and Kohji arrived early on Wednesday morning, after taking the redeye in order to get one more precious day of skiing in (I don't know how the boy does it). We've now unpacked, done laundry and Kohji is presently re-packing for a conference in Toronto which starts tomorrow and runs until Wednesday.

While we had expected that the translated file would be ready on Monday or Tuesday of next week, we actually got word on Wednesday that we could pick it up that afternoon. We happily sauntered down to the CB office to pick it up (ok, well, actually, we got caught in a traffic jam on the Queensway and nearly jumped out of the car to run along the shoulder, knowing that we had to get there before 4:30 when the office closed, but who's recording details here).

So, we now have a few more details on our little monkey, including some medical information. We're happy to report that there doesn't appear to be any medical or development issues. This has been confirmed by Aunty Aya, who took time out of her exam prep to go through the report with us (thanks Aunty Aya), our family doc and grandpa Barry (sorry Dad, but you haven't given me anything else to go by, so you get to sound like a fruit). Everybody reading this, send good vibes Aya's way as she heads into her last set of exams as a medical resident!

We're expecting more travel details early next week, and have been informed for the moment that we should expect to travel around June 30. For the record, that is only 57 days away!

Thought we'd also post a few pictures to give you a sense of what's been happening around here.

What Kohji was doing when the call came in (those are his boots)...

What Tamara was doing when the call came in (with Lauren, my intrepid ski partner at the exact spot we were standing when the call came in)...

Proof that this poor child is in real trouble with us as parents (yes, it says Whistler ski bum)...

The stork has landed!!!!! Yipee!!!!!

I was on the top of Whistler Mountain, skis strapped to my feet enjoying breathtaking views on a blue sky day when the call came in. The phone sitting in my breast pocket started to go, the phone that only Kohji or Jenna from the adoption agency had the number for. It was Jenna at the end of the line. The conversation went a little like this:

Jenna: "Hello, this is Jenna Ryan from Children's Bridge. How are you?"
Tamara: "I'm on top of a mountain at the moment Jenna! How are you?"
Jenna: "Well, you should be on top of the world!"

At which point the conversation disintegrated to a lot of "oh my gods!"and "wows!" on my part, as Jenna proceeded to tell me that our referral had arrived. I blathered on a fair bit, cursing myself for not having a pen/paper and thinking to myself what exactly do you say to a woman who is telling you that you're a mommy while you're standing on a mountain top. Luckily for me, Lauren (my interpid ski parter and human recorder) told me to say it out loud, and was able to remember what I shouted out to her. If not for her, I probably wouldn't have even remembered our daughter's name! We owe you big time Lauren.

Of course, after getting off the phone with Jenna, I promptly called Kohji who was actually unreachable as he was at that very moment hurtling through the bush on a dogsled. My god, this poor child has to suffer with us as parents for how long?

Once we finally touched base, we met at the hotel and logged in to get the first photos of our adorable little girl and get the first little dribs of information.

So, we are overjoyed, over the moon and overwhelmed to introduce our daughter, Kiyomi(Chinese name: Wan Jin Dian), currently in Jianxi Province in southern China. There aren't a lot of details yet, but we do know that she was born on July 18, 2005 (also Brahm's birthday). She's 6 kg and 61 cms long with the chubbiest little cheeks ever.



We expect to get the translated file in 5-7 days, at which point we will have more information on our little girl. At the moment, we expect to be travelling in late June or early July to bring her home.

The stork is in the air!!!!!!!!!!!

We just got an email from the adoption agency confirming that the CCAA has matched to, and including, June 6, and that they expect our referral is in the up-coming batch. Here is the verbatim report from CB:

"Well the time has come we can confirm the CCAA has matched files up to and including June 6, 2005. We are expecting your referrals to arrive late this week to early next week. Please remember we will require a minimum of 6 hours to review copy and scan the referral before we can call families. We try and call families as soon as we can, so please rest assured we are working hard to get them done."

So, barring any unforseen fiascos, this time next week, we should have a photo and some information on the new addition to the Miller-Suzuki clan. KT's gonna be soooo jealous...

We'll post a photo as soon as we can!

Possible good news - JUNE 6!!!!!!

I really hope I'm not spreading rumours prematurely, but as of this morning, the CCAA (China Adoption Agency) says that they have matched files registered in their office before June 6!!! To quote it precisely, the CCAA website reads:

"The CCAA has finished the placement of children for the families whose adoption application documents were registered with our office before June 6, 2005."

If that is the case, then we are in. Our referral should be on its way here.

Our agency, however, isn't committing to anything just yet, which makes me a little uncomfortable. They are saying that they expect the information on the website is reliable, but that they themselves haven't heard anything from the CCAA directly.

I don't think we'll be 100% sure until the referral is actually here and CB confirms its receipt. However, we'll be watching the phone rather obsessively for the next few days (ok, well Tamara will)!

Cross your fingers everybody that they haven't made a typo or made premature changes to the website! In the meantime, I'll be sitting here trying desperately to sit still (good thing I brought my shoes for a lunch time run or there is no way I'd make it through today!)

Yes folks, there was snow!

The parking lot was brown, and until the base of the first run, there wasn't a stitch of snow to be seen. However, Killington claimed to have 40 runs open and it sure felt like snow when I face-planted!

Yes, as a means of calming Tamara's irritating adoption rumour obsession (and give her index finger a rest from all the incessant clicking), we headed down to Killington, Vt., over the Easter weekend for a little ski vacation. Which in this case, meant occassionally picking our way across boulders and grass with skis on, but generally heading in a downward trajectory with snow under foot. We agreed we were probably a little nuts, when we heard another guess exclaim to one of the hotel employees - "Skiing? Who would be crazy enough to try skiing at this time of year?!" - while we sat sheepishly in the corner with ski pants and long underwear on!

Of course, tales of our skiing adventure are not what you checked in here for, so I will spare you the details and get straight to the goods: rumours.

'Double, double toil and trouble, rumours burn and heresay bubble' ...

... to paraphrase an oldy, but a goody. (Extra points to the person who can tell me who wrote the original and in what work. Dad, you're excluded for obvious reasons).

There is a building level of speculation and the rumours seem to run the gamut. The prevailing one seems to be that the CCAA will match the first week of June (but does not specify to which date). However, there is also a nice juicy one saying that the CCAA will only match May 31st. What that means for us (with a registration date of June 3) is anyone’s guess. What it confirms is that no one has any idea. So, we are all confimed in our not knowing... (ah, my bureaucratic skills are coming through brilliantly).

Children's Bridge has told us that the referrals are expected at the end of April or the first week of May. As luck would have it, we will be in Whistler from April 27 to May 2. Fear not, we will be bringing the laptop with us and posting updates if we happen to get them.

So, check in soon, and check in often all you cool cats, cause there may be something in the next couple of weeks... unless of course, there's nothing...

Further on the delays

We've had a couple days to recover and are now feeling better, but I don't mind saying, there was a whole heap o' dissapointment in our house this past weekend.

We attended part of an adoption seminar on the weekend, where we learned that the biggest reason for these delays is simply the volume of applications. When we started this process more than a year ago, China was very attractive because there seemed to be a predictable, and relatively short, wait of 6 months from registration with China to date of referral. Not suprisingly, this was not only attractive to us, but also thousands of others around the globe. As a result, word is that the CCAA has been flooded with applications. So, while they may be processing the same number of individual applications on a monthly basis, the applications all flooded in over very few days, so the timelines march forward slower than expected. Those people who are only now sending their files to China are being told to expect a wait of approximately 14 months from registration to referral.

It's worth keeping in mind that these timelines are comparable to the waits back in 2001 and 2002. So, this is not any sort of precedent, and there is every indication that we'll get there, it's just going to take a little longer than we originally expected. Right now, we remain hopeful that we'll make the next batch of referrals, expected in late April. However, we've been a little chastened this month, so we'll try to also be prepared for not hearing anything until the end of May.

In the meantime, diversion is the word of the day. We're plotting a trip for the Easter long weekend - perhaps Killington, Vermont, for a little spring skiing or Washington, D.C., for a little sightseeing.

We also have a trip to Whistler planned for the end of April, so there are indeed diversions to be had! Nothing like a road trip and watching Tamara negotiate her way down a double black diamond (after a wrong turn of course!) to take one's mind off of things.

We'll be sure to post the pictures of Tamara battling spring moguls on her butt!

Bad News

Well, if there is one thing this process teaches you it's to temper any and all expectations.

It seems there has been yet another slow down. CCAA this month is only matching 5 days worth of applications. This means matches this month are only to May 30. With an LID of June 3rd, we didn't make the cut.

So, we're going to stop speculating on the timelines. Maybe we'll be in the next batch in early May, maybe we won't.

Sorry, we don't have better news.

Nothing new

It's been a couple of weeks, and there is a wee bit o' impatience developing on the discussion lists as eager and anxious parents-to-be start watching the rumour mills. While I'm indeed guilty of dabbling in the rumour hunt myself, for the most part, we are trying to stay away from the fray in order to keep relatively cool heads. When I say "we", what I really mean is that Kohji keeps telling Tamara to stop making herself crazy by trying to decipher rumours and translate them into viable timelines. There is a certain restlessness developing though as the 'referral' day starts to seem at least within reach. Thankfully, the streets are getting dryer, which lets me burn off some of the restlessness through jogging (if nothing else, maybe I'll be in better shape for Ultimate season!)

While there is no good news, there is also no bad news (i.e., further slow-downs), which in this process is actually a positive thing. As a result, we've made the requisite phone calls to our social worker and doctor to make sure they are 'on-deck' starting at the end of this month. We're also starting to turn our minds to a few more concrete things like names and where this kid will actually sleep. No decisions, of course, made on any of that yet. We only move so fast...

I am, however, happily following the travels of Children's Bridge Group 229 currently in China. These happy parents were united with their kids on Monday (March 13), and I am learning alot about what to expect by following along on their blogs and reading about their trials, tribulations, terrors and delights (it's as close to a complete alliteration as I can come up with). Of note is the fact that there are at least two boys in that group. We're not sure if boys were specifically requested, but it's a timely reminder that things may not necessarily turn out exactly as expected in this process.

Side-note: While it doesn't necesarily predict things for us, the babies in the last batch of referrals are from two provinces, Henan and Guangdong. The age range was seven months to eighteen months, with the majority in the ten-month range in age. The families will be traveling to China at the beginning of May.

Short Update

I've noticed how long my postings tend to be on this blog, so I'm keeping this one short.

It seems that those CB groups who were logged in on May 16th now have their referrals. Those logged in on May 31st, however, did not make the cut this month. That means that this last batch of referrals included 10 days worth of applications. If that pace holds, then we should just make the cut for the next batch in April.

However, we're definitely hopeful for next month seeing as how they matched 10 days in the short month of February, which would have included a full shut-down of the CCAA offices for at least a week because of Chinese New Year. All we need is for them to match at least 9 days worth of applications!

Don't hold your breaths, but definitely cross your fingers.

A little luck and a musical interlude

Hello all:

With St. Patty's day just around the corner, I've been thinking a fair bit about luck lately, and how much of the frustration in the adoption process can be attributed to the bad kind. Both the province and the China Center for Adoption Affairs (CCAA) seem to have slowed down just as our application made it's way to them. Bad luck! But then again, we've had plenty of the good stuff in the proces too: a lovely social worker, Ontario dropping the internationl adoption fee of $900. So, invoking leprachauns, rabbit's feet, horse shoes and all things lucky, here's hoping that the bad stuff is behind us and only good stuff ahead! Keep your fingers crossed for us, cause every little bit helps.

Now, on to referral updates. There has been alot of chatter and rumours the last couple weeks, which I think we can attribute more to wishful thinking than anything else. There is nothing really "new" to report with respect to our referrals. The CCAA (China) website, however, currently indicates that it has matched families with log-in-dates up to May 25th (ours is June 3rd). CB is fairly confident, therefore, that referrals for early June groups will arrive in April/06. This, of course, is always subject to change, but it's looking like the timelines have not slowed considerably this month. If our current luck holds, we are hoping to that our referral will come sometime in the first two weeks of April.

An Adoption Interlude

In the meantime, a musical (or at least adoption) interlude. As things finally seem to be getting closer, we thought it might be worthwhile to pass along a little information about bonding and attachment issues - always the rage in any discussion, publication, chat group or passing glance related to adoption.

Bonding and attachment are two well-worn buzz words in the adoption community, and a fairly central obsession with most adopted parents. The crux of the issue is providing time and opportunity for your child to come to trust you as her parents and primary care-givers. This is a process that happens even with newborns into biological families. Over time, babies learn that these two people who keep irritatingly repeating the words "mommy" and "daddy", will respond to their cries and cater to their needs. In baby thoughts, it means: "when my bum feels uncomfortable, this mommy-person makes the wetness go away; when my tummy rumbles, this daddy person gives me a bottle and it stops feeling empty; when I feel grumpy and the best thing to do is scream as loud as humanely possible, mommy walks around in circles into the wee hours of the night holding me until I fall asleep." Over time, the baby comes to trust that this will happen everytime, no matter what. That is effectively, a grossly oversimplified version of attachment.

Adopted kids still have to go through that process of developing trust even though they tend to be older than newborn. Because they are older, they already have some life experiences under their belt and may not take too kindly to these new people in their lives. Some of these kids, especially if they've spent time in an orphanage, may not have yet had the opportunity to build a trust relationship with any care-giver. So, they could react in a number of different ways to these two funny looking people who keep talking at them in some weird language. Some babies shut-down, evading touch or eye contact, prefering to avoid any connections whatsoever. Others may be outgoing and snuggle with every adult they meet in order to maximize the chances of making sure someone out there makes the wet-bum feeling go away when it happens.

So, how to deal with the bonding and attachment issues that adopted kids face ? While a gross oversimplification, the bottom line is that adopted kids need to be given the opportunity to trust their new care-givers (which given the looks of us, may be a real challenge for our little one). If we are lucky, our daughter will have already have had the chance to bond with a care-giver (perhaps a nanny or foster parent), sowing the seeds of a trust relationship. However, it is more likely that she has spent much of her young life in an orphanage, and may never have had the chance to develop that 'trust'. While her care-givers were probably very loving and conciensious, the simple fact that they would have likely been caring for a number of children would have made it almost impossible for a true 'trust' to develop. It's not likely that she would have consistantly been comforted when she was scared or fed when she was hungry. So, our little one may stuggle with what to think about these two strangers who swoop into her life and she might, understandably, be a little doubtful that these adult-things are really all that with it when it comes to meeting her needs.

Which brings us to the question of mechanics. What can we do, as her 'forever family' (or so the term is used) to help her sow those seeds of trust? Well, there is scads and scads of advice out there about how to promote bonding and attachment. Some experts advocate "cocooning" (literally what it sounds like - having the family bunker down and limit contact with visitors), others suggest making sure that mommy and daddy are the only ones who change, feed, comfort, bath, put baby to sleep (to the exlcusion of others), while still others argue that regular care and nurturing are the basic fundamentals that will address attachment needs. Any of the 'absolute must-dos' make us pretty uncomfortable, so we haven't really decided what the right course of action is. Generally, we are advocates of getting a better feel from our daughter as to what she seems comfortable with and what her needs might be.

However, we firmly believe that this little girl is not only coming into our lives, but all of yours as well. While bonding and attachment with us will be paramount, we also believe that it will be important for her to develop relationships with her extended family. So, we thought it might be worthwhile to raise the issue with all of you who will be part of the 'kid's' life, so you are aware of some of the things she will be struggling with in her young life, and more importantly, so you can provide us with advice, guidance, deperately needed help as we move forward as a family.

Gong Xi Fa Cai! Happy Lunar New Year!

This Sunday is the Lunar New Year and much of China will be closed for the week while people travel home to see relatives and friends in celebration of the season. An interesting description of the festivities and traditions is available (http://www.duckdaotsu.org/gongxifacai.html).

While we won't be partaking in any of the house cleaning rituals, Kohji and I have decided to celebrate my making a pilgrammage to Mont Tremblant! Ok, well, the Tremblant excursion has nothing to actually do with Chinese New Year, but it's as good an excuse as any for the moment.

As for progress on the referrals, I'm afraid there is little to report this week. As suspected, Children's Bridge is not expecting any February referrals, so there is no news on that front. However, the CCAA website does report that they have reviewed all the applications registered with their office in June 2005 (which would include ours). This means, in theory, that our dossier has reached the mythical matching room. The CCAA also reports that they have matched all the dossiers registered on or before May 13th.

For what it's worth, here is the latest update from Children's Bridge:

"CCAA will close for a week for Lunar New Year. This means the next group of referrals likely will not come until early March. Then we expect to receive groups 230, 231 registered on May 16th and, if our luck changes, Group 232, registered in China on May 31st. Time lines from registration at CCAA to referral is now at ten months, with travel about two months later."

April, therefore, remains the anticipated referral month (for the moment). We'll keep ya posted as things change.

No news is news...

We've noticed an interesting thing starting to develop as we plod along through this whole adoption thing - an uncanny ability to make 'no news' into news.

Children's Bridge sends out weekly updates on activities, and even on those weeks where there is no expectation of new developments or referrals, we (along with dozens of other waiting parents) pounce on them as soon as our little email blips ring. CB tries to instill a sense of hope and patience in their weekly missives (bless their little hearts), but really, more often than not, the news is simply that there is no news. This week is no different:

"Normal procedure for CCAA is to send referrals out before Lunar New Year, which would mean by the end of next week with arrival the following week of the 30th. The lingering question for us is if there will be any for our families. The cut off date for this month’s referrals has not been set yet as CCAA ascertains how many children it can match and to what registration date that will take them. As our next groups were logged in May 16th the cut off date may preclude us. Fingers crossed that we make it in under the wire as I know you all want some more positive news." - Children's Bridge Weekly Update, January 20, 2006

I've not doubt we'll discuss, plot, and try to read between the lines, but the general conclusion remains, we're not likely to hear anything until April at the earliest.

For those of you who might find it of interest, CBC is airing a 4 part series starting this Sunday (January 22) at 8 p.m. called China Rising. Parts 1 and 2 will be this Sunday (between 8 and 10), while parts 3 and 4 will be the following week (January 29). Don't expect there will be much on adoption, but some interesting information about the country's current socio-economic situation and likely some history. At a miminum, it looks like there will be some beautiful images from China (based on the 30 second trailer I saw): http://www.cbc.ca/chinarises/intro/

Kids come with stuff...

While we all wait, I thought we'd fill you in on some of the little things that we are learning as we move towards this whole parenting thing.

One of the first lessons we were shocked and awed to learn was that kids come with stuff! And I don't mean that they are diapered and clothed, so you need to carry a diaper bag with snacks and fresh Wet-ones. No, no, no, I mean that the average North American baby is packing more gear than an Everest expedition.

At first, I confess, we sort of ignored the amount of stuff truely involved. I mean, we knew very few parents of wee toddlers and didn't pay that close attention to the amount of stuff that was jammed into the homes of the toddlers we did know (N.B. I say the homes of toddlers and not parents, as it seems that the house is primarily a storage container for the toddler's stuff). Slowly, however, the truth started to make itself known. We started to see more and more stuff in the arms of the parents we knew as they struggled to their car, arms laden with brightly coloured chairs and toys. We'd visit them in their toddler homes, and realize that the available floor space in the average kid inhabited home seemed to be roughly as impossibly small as the new iPod Nano (hey Apple, how about some store credit for this little plug?).

But, our eyes were finally and truely opened when our friend (and an angel on earth) Jan, decided it was time to indoctrinate us into the world of kid stuff. Chatting with her one day, she said she had been straightening her basement, and had put aside some 'stuff' for us and the 'kid' (as the wee one has affectionately come to be known on our house). Yup, we figured, that's wonderful. We'll take our little Civic and pick up some 'stuff' from Jan...

The 'stuff' didn't fit in our trunk... the 'stuff' didn't fit in our car... the 'stuff' required the entire compartment, trunk and front seat of our car. Kohji sat in the passenger seat with a bin on his lap, and I drove with my seat up so far my nose touched the windsheild. In fact, not only did the 'stuff' fill up our car, it completely overtook Jan's Carolla as well. It was like the 'Blob', devouring everything in its path! Jan couldn't actually put the car into drive because the 'stuff' wouldn't let her. We were a caravan of 'stuff' crawling along Bank street in first gear because neither of us could actually reach the stick that allowed us to move any faster.

Once home, the 'stuff' worked its way into our living room. Now, as some of you know, we have a grand piano in our living room. It's a beautiful, large, black lacquer beauty, visible pretty much as soon as you walk into the room. Well, it was impossible to discern the piano amongst the 'stuff'. The 'stuff' drawfed the piano, sat down at the dining table and created a kitty obstacle course for KT that was the envy of the Habitrail company! The 'stuff' had arrived!

After Jan left, sweetly signing 'au revoir' knowing that the she had effectly staged a coup by ousting the 'stuff' that had ruled over her basement for the last year or so (since Alex outgrew it), Kohji and I sat there is shock. The 'stuff' had taken up residence, and not only did we not know where to put it, we didn't know what some of it was. The clothes we could handle, but some of the other things were indecipherable. We couldn't tell the difference between a child toy and a child carrier. We thought a stool was the table for the high chair, and that the high chair table was a rain cover for the stroller. There were 4 different kinds of baby carrying devises with wheels!!! How does one know what to use? How do they work? Why can't I unfold this and how the heck do I fold this one back up? This, more than anything else, sent waves of panic through me. If we couldn't figure out what this brightly coloured, polka dotted thing was for, how would we ever figure out how to calm a tantruming toddler (especially as she'll be riding on top of the closed stroller while she's tantruming, because we'll not have ever figured out how it opens)?!?!??

A panic conversation with Jan (and much reassurance from her about how the 'stuff' can be tamed and that she will assist us) and general banishment of most of the the 'stuff' to the basement (where it reigns supreme to this day) has quelled the panic. However, the stuff still looms.

Lest you think I'm making this up, allow me to share a couple of photos. These were taken when our friend Colette (another angel on earth), convinced me that it was time to start taming some of the 'stuff'. She came from Winnipeg, armed with a U2 ticket and the determination (and necessary mommy tools) to herd and pen at least some of the 'stuff'.















Eight bins of clothes later, the 'kid' is likely clothed until the age of five, and not just clothed, but adorably turned out!

While the lesson of the 'stuff' has been incredibly valuable, the 'stuff' has also passed along the way more valuable lesson that I think will be my fundamental approach to parenthood - love, cherish and panic with, your friends and family and somehow it will all work out.

Delay, delays and more delays

Happy new year to all!

FYI, Lunar (aka Chinese) New Year is coming up at the end of January. This year is the Year of the Dog. Seeing as we are both also born in the Dog year (1970) (well, us and Bill Clinton), we are hopeful that 2006 will bring good fortune in our adoption quest.

Thought we'd take advantage of the holiday downtime to bring you up to date on activities of late (or lack thereof). As suspected in our last post, there indeed wasn't a referral in December. Group 229 has just received their referrals this week (week of January 2). So, that means we are one step closer (even if it feels a like a small step).

Unfortunately, there has been a significant slow down in referrals and it is likely that we will have to wait several more months. We hesitate to speculate on timelines anymore, as we have no way of knowing whether things will speed up, or slow down, over the next few months. All we can do at this point is pass along the information provided to us by Children's Bridge:

"Group 229’s files were registered at the CCAA in the latter part of April 2005. The CCAA is only matching two weeks of files per month now, having dropped from two months worth at one stage, to one month, now to only two weeks. This means that in February, they will only match files registered before May 15th, 2005. Our next groups, 230, 231 and 232 were all registered after May 16th 2005. Accordingly, we anticipate we will not receive any referrals in February. This also means that time from registration to referral is creeping up to ten months and we expect it soon will be a year to referral." - Children's Bridge Weekly Update - January 6, 2006

According to the China Center for Adoption Affairs, the number of healthy babies in China is in decline while the number of families wishing to adopt keeps growing. There certainly has been a steady increase in applications over the last few months or so. China, however, is fairly restrained with the amount of information it provides, so there are no details available on the 'whys and hows' of the current slowdown.

International adoption from China made headlines just before Christmas, when an orphanage in Hunan province was found to be adopting out 'black-market' babies. It is possible that the investigation of this has contributed to the slow down, but there is simply no way to know for sure. If it is indeed the case that there are fewer children available for adoption, we can only hope it's because their birth families are able to keep and care for them. While we are dissapointed, believing that fewer children have to endure the loss of their birth families takes away a little of the sting.

As some of you may know, the Lunar New Year is a time of celebration in China. We're starting to learn a little more about it, so thought we'd pass along some interesting websites in case you're also interested in learning more about the celebrations and your sign under the Asian zodiac:

http://www.educ.uvic.ca/faculty/mroth/438/CHINA/chinese_new_year.html

http://www.familyculture.com/holidays/lunar_new_year.htm

Why the delay?

Many of you have been asking why we're experiencing a bit of a delay in the adoption process. I thought I'd take this opportunity to answer that question, and at the same time, give you a bit of a primer on the wild and wacky world that is international adoption.

First off, keep in mind that through international adoption you must negotiate... not one... not two... but three ... large, cumbersome and, at times, bloated bureaucratic behemoths. To get a sense of what this is like, think back to the the last time you had to deal with any bureaucratic institution (and I say this as a full fledged member of the bureacratic profession). Perhaps you've moved recently and had to get all new id. Think back to that inevitable moment when you stood head to head with an automaton - also known as a bureacrat - trying to convince them that in all likelihood the person who wrote "client must stand on head while reciting the alphabet... backwards... in German" was probably joking. Now triple it... and you have an idea of what international adoption is like. Not only do you have to deal with the federal and provincial governments, a foreign government and language are thrown in for good measure. What this all means at the very heart is chronic unpredictability.

The first stage of the process is the home study. This is essentially a number of meetings with a social worker whose primary role is to attest in a report that you are not aliens from a distant solar system... and oh, ya, and that you'd probably be able to raise a happy, healthy child. The home study consists primarily of paper work. Lots and lots of paper work. Luckily, all of this is gathered in Canada. We started our particular home study in December of 2004, and completed the paper work with all the trimmings in the late spring of 2005.

Once that is all together, you have to convince the province (in our case Ontario) that you are not said aliens from a distant solar system and in all likelihood you'll be able to reasonably raise a child. This is the time when you are chasing provincial approval. This takes anywhere from a couple of weeks to forever, depending on the phases of the moon, whether it's a leap year, and more importantly, whether the Ministry has enough bodies to deal with all the applications.

Once all that is together, the entire package, notarized and translated, gets shipped off to the China Center for Adoption Affairs (CCAA). Once it's there, you are assigned a Log in Date (aka LID). At this point in the process, you are also assigned a Group Number. Our LID is June 3, 2005, and we've been assigned to Group 233. In the grand scheme of things, this means very little, but in practice it means you are now able to obsess over timelines, track the progress of the groups ahead of you and spend hours trying to decode the mysteries of the timetable and guess at a possible referral date. Ah yes, the referral date! This now becomes the elusive goal you chase incessantly, if only in your mind. It's the point where the CCAA finally matches waiting parents with a waiting child - the moment when you get the first little bits of information about your baby to be.

So the all important question that you're all wishing I would finally get to is: where are we in the march of the timetable? How soon can we expect the referral? When we first started the process, the average wait from LID to referral was 6 to 7 months. This timeline has, regrettably, slowed and our agency (Children's Bridge) is now guesstimating an average wait of 9 months from LID to referral. The last group to receive a referral was 228 (with an LID of March 29) in November. Typically (and this process is nothing if not atypical), we have seen at least one group a month receive referrals, sometimes more. However, Children's Bridge is now saying that the CCAA has been a little overun with applications, and will only be able to process applications for part of a month instead of the entire month as has been the typical approach for the last little while. What this means in practice is that the next group up, Group 229 (with an LID of April 15), may not make the cut-off for December referrals, and so there might not be any referrals through our agency for the month of December.

Based on conjecture and wishful thinking (not unlike the basis of most of Tamara's PhD thesis), it is possible that we'll receive the referral in April. In the meantime... we wait. And we remember that there are thousands of families who have travelled this same road and came home with a happy, healthy little one in their arms (if a little cranky from a 15 hour plane ride).

We've also been catching up on Chinese culture and history, which with several millenia is rather hard to catch up on. The CIA, however, (I'm not kidding) has provided us with a handy dandy cheat sheet, so check it out if you're interested: http://www.cia.gov/cia/publications/factbook/geos/ch.html

The adventure begins...

You've all been curious as to how things are progressing on the whole adoption process, so we thought we'd help bring you along on this exciting ride via cyberspace.

We hope to update this blog regularly to fill you in on what's been going on, convey information about the whole adoption process and catch you up on any developments (or lack thereof).

So, what can you expect from this blog? Well, over the next few months, we plan on adding occasional posts to give you some information on adoption related issues, on China, and maybe a little about the process. Once we get the referral (likely sometime in March or April), we'll post photos and whatever information about our daughter that we have available to us. And finally, we hope to use this blog when we travel to China in order to bring you along with us on this astounding adventure and to send along all the pictures you can handle.

So, next time you're thinking to yourself - hmmm, I wonder how that whole adoption thing is going for Kohji and Tamara? - you have a place to go to check things out.