Slow but steady day

We learned a truism tonight. Sometimes, it's your kids who teach you
how to parent.

While Ren is getting better with dressing and undressing, we have been
hesitant to subject him to a full-scale bath. It was time, however,
and so I reluctantly drew the bath, dreading the inevitable drama that
would ensue. While Kohji and I were strategizing on how best to
approach the dunking, we heard a loud kerplunk from the bathroom. We
walked in to see that Kiyomi had dropped a bunch of Ren's toy cars in
the tub, and she announced to us very matter of factly - "now he'll
get in." And she was right. He was chomping at the bit to get in the
tub, and getting naked to do so barely phased him. He and Kiyomi had
a blast splasing and zooming cars around while Kohji and I stood there
dumbfounded and properly chasened by our 4 year old.

A pretty average day overall, so no real pictures. This is probably a
good thing, since we already have over 600 and we still haven't hit
the high touristy spots. The morning was immigration paperwork and
the afternoon was low-key with a nap for Ren. A slight twist was
heading down this back alley to get the visa photos done. Anywhere
else, you would have thought you'd crossed a threshold to old China,
but here, you walk into a photo studio.

Some forward steps - Ren didn't feel a need for his sweater or his
shoes for most of the day. He was pretty content most of the time in
the stroller and he's getting a lot less aggressive when Kiyomi is on
my lap.

Some backwards steps too - getting him to sleep is proving harder and
the only thing that comforts him is clutching food in his hand.
Specifically a piece of white bread and a bottle of sweet milk (what
they call whole milk here as far as I can tell). He may or may not
eat it and it takes him about 15 to 20 minutes of screaming to decide
this is indeed what he wants. He also was more reluctant to go to
Kohji today, though very happy to play with him and crawl all over him
with cars.

Unfortunately, much of the last couple days has been about
establishing a routine, so we've gone to the same places for food and
pretty much stuck close to the hotel. Yet again, I feel like I'm
wasting an opportunity to get to know this country, but the
complexities of helping Ren settle undermines the thrill of discovery
which would be a typical part of travel for us. I crave simplicity
and trying to communicate with hand gestures, smiles and a phrase book
is more than I can handle.

Less than a kilometer from here stands the Malls of Oriental Plaza -
an imported piece of western culture smack dab in the heart of
communist China. Walking through the doors makes you feel like you
instantly travelled back to the familiar, even if the food court has a
pig's feet dish. We've gotten a lot of our meals and goceries from
this place, in no small part because the restaurants have English
menus and the grocery store has an entire section of Japanese food.

Tomorrow, the immigration medical. Not expecting it will be
particularly in depth, but with 5 families, I am expecting it to take
awhile.

Good night from Beijing.

New shoes

Wow, what a difference a day makes. It may be that Ren now feels we
have suitably been put through our paces, but he took some major steps
today... nay, leaps!

This morning, he woke up and played happily for about an hour without
even a thought to his shoes or his sweater. Then, when it was time to
get dressed for the day - no protests as long as there was a promise
that the shoes and sweater would go on too. Up until this morning,
changing him has been a struggle. He doesn't like to part with his
clothes and in fact, for the first 3 days, we didn't even change him.
Now, he's perfectly content to be changed as long as the shoes and
sweater are in sight.

The biggest thing though it that he is willingly and very happily
going to Kohji and he'll sit in the stroller. In fact, my this
evening, I had become personae non-grata. Daddy was way more fun. I
tell you, I felt emancipated. My arms felt like they were floating
and my back was praising the gods.

I think there was a breaking point this afternoon for all of us.
Knowing that Kiyomi really needed some Mommy time, I brought her
swimming while Ren slept. He woke up a little earlier than expected,
and was pretty much inconsolable at first. Kiyomi and I came out of
the elevator to see Kohji holding Ren, with big tears down his cheek
looking out the lobby window at passing cars. I spent the next 20
minutes kicking myself for not being there when he woke up as he clung
to me and sniffled, and wondering if we had just set him back to the
beginning. But then, he started to watch Kohji and Kiyomi playing and
decided pretty quickly he wanted to get in on the action. For the
rest of the afternoon, he was happy to be in Kohji's arms, less
aggressive with Kiyomi when she was with me, and generally happier all
around. He even set out looking for Kohji when he couldn't find him
and grinned madly when he found him in Obaachan and Ojiichan's room
next door. By dinner time, he didn't even feel a need to be on my lap
to eat! No noodles dropped in his hair as I tried to grab a bite or
two over his head! Time will tell, of course, whether this lasts and
tomorrow is a whole other day, but for the moment, I'm basking in the
small victories.

We did not, in fact, wind up at the Great Wall today. One of the
little ones in the group was sick and a couple of the adults weren't
feeling that well either, so we postponed the trip to Friday. Most of
the group headed to the Silk Market, but having already been there
this trip, we decided to head for Wanfujin St. instead - a shopping
concourse which is closed to traffic and and which has everything you
could possibly want from tourist kitch to a Nike store. Today being a
holiday, the place was pretty busy, and we really only had one thing
in mind anyway - the children's store. Our target - new shoes.
Preferably new green shoes exactly like the ones Ren already has so
that he could have matching ones. I wasn't so worried about the kiddy-
styling of mismatched shoes, it was the fact that one shoe had much
thinker soles and he kept tripping. Unfortunately, they didn't have
the exact same pair. I was prepared to leave the store with nothing
rather than put him through the trauma of new shoes, but he was
ecstatic with the ones they did have. As soon as we tried them on, he
was grinning ear to ear and running around the place. They had the
same little character on them (who is apparently called Happy Goat)
and they didn't leave his feet all day. I was tempted to buy a second
pair just in case something happens to these ones! And of course,
I've put the remaining green one somewhere safe and sound, but easy to
get at, if the shoe happiness turns out to be temporary. I know the
shoes and sweater are transition objects for him, but I'm sure a part
of him feels that as long as he has the shoes and sweater, it's still
possible to get the heck away from us, and who can really blame him.

Kiyomi had a much better day as well, especially since her brother
wasn't trying to take a pound of flesh. I'm going for the 'spoil her'
approach, which meant I actually let her pick out a barbie (of all
things, how could it be that the only thing my daughter really wanted
from a toy store brimming with things was a bride barbie!?) for her
special present from China and we had a morning ice cream as well. I
figure there should be some fringe benefits to having to give up all
free access to mom and have a little nipper at your heals all day,
everyday.

A very interesting development for this trip is that we're the
veterans. All of the families are first time parents and three of
them have wee little babies who are the exact same age that Kiyomi
was. As a result, we find ourselves giving directions, answering
questions and providing guidance. What a difference from last time
when we were the first timers completely out of our depths. Watching
what they are going through is like a replay of our experience 4 years
ago. I also notice that they watch us wide eyed and a little shell-
shocked as I run after Ren tearing through the lobby, heading for the
fountain, while balancing Kiyomi on my back. I'm not sure if it's
shear terror or just relief that at least they're not us.

Tomorrow - paperwork and probably a little more shopping. A quite day
may just help us to solidify today's gains, so I'm content with that.

Good night, from Beijing.

New shoes

Toughest day yet

Bar none, today has been one of the hardest so far. In part, because
we had to be up at 5 am in order to catch an 8 am flight to Beijing.
The kids were tired, we were tired... and well, it just came to a head
today. Throw in a 3 hour plane ride and brand new surroundings for
Ren, and it made for a long day . . . a very, very, long day.

Today is a holiday in China - May Day - but the untrained eye wouldn't
have known it. Leaving the hotel at 6 am, it seemed to be there was
already a fair bit of hussle and bussle. Oh sure, I've been in China
long enough to tell it wasn't your usual - but there were people going
places, a traffic jam in front of the bus station, some shops open.
Certainly not what you'd expect on Labour Day in Ottawa anyway. On
the way to the airport, it kinda hit us that we were in the provincial
capital of a province whose population eclipses Canada's. That is why
there seems to be activity even on a holiday.

The flight was relatively surprisingly uneventful. Ren was a little
restless, but the advantage to the 5 am wake-up is that he slept half
the flight. It was enough of a taste though, that I'm not relishing
the 13 hour flight home, especially if Ren still refuses to go to
anyone but me.

The biggest issue today is the earliest sprouts of sibling rivalry,
and they ain't pretty. Kiyomi is starting to get fed up and Ren is
starting to get comfortable enough to be aggressive. Not a great
combination, especially when you throw in the fact that Ren isn't yet
familiar with us or English. Everytime Kiyomi sits on my lap or even
gets too cozy, Ren is on me like flies on butter. He starts by taking
up space and if that doesn't work, he starts to resort to other means
to stake the territory - head butts and scratching are his current
favourites. The fatigue and the inability to get anywhere close to me
without being accosted were just too much for Kiyomi and we were
treated to some stereo wailing. And one point, I did think maybe the
best course of action would be to join in and see if that shocked them
enough to at least dampen the volume a little. If anyone has any tips
for dealing with siblings - please, oh, please send them along.

There were some small forward steps. The biggest is that we've
managed to keep our hands on the one remaining green shoe and Ren
seems content enough to have mismatched ones as long as they are on
his feet. Ren has also spent more time off my lap today and is
obviously getting more comfortable with Kohji and Obaachan and
Ojiichan. He even voluntarily ventured onto Kohji's lap on the
plane. He also spent a good 1/2 hour contendedly playing with his
cars this evening - lining them up on a small table and laughing when
they hit the ground. However, all of these small steps pale in
comparison to the fact that he actually got into the stroller ... no
wailing, no trying to climb out. I spent an entire hour walking
around Beijing without an extra appendage. Oh sure, I had to be the
one to push the stroller, but at least I was free to look down at my
toes for the first time since receiving Ren. I don't begrudge the
little nipper's need to be with me, but man, is it exhausting!

You'll note that in all pictures of Ren, he's wearing the exact same
blue sweater. He won't be without it, and so it, along with the
shoes, stay on him until he's good and asleep at which point, I slip
them of. Looking at him today, I couldn't help but think to myself,
what the hell are we doing to this kid. He's being strolled around
Beijing with mismatched shoes, a goose egg on his forehead (fall today
at grocery store), bug bites on his temple (from the excursion to the
caves) and a rather dirty sweater, despite the 30 degree heat
(although for this one, the Chinese wouldn't bat and eye - I saw kids
with two layers on today). He's going to look back on these pictures
and cry foul I have no doubt.

Now back in Beijing, we've joined up with 4 other families - 3 with
wee ones from Jiangxi (Kiyomi's birth province) and one with a 4 year
old from Anwai. I suspect the rest of this trip will feel a little
more similar to what we experienced last time - starting with the
Great Wall tomorrow. Last time, we made it to the top, but it was
socked in and there was no views to speak of. This time, I can't see
us dragging a 4 year old and a 2 year old to the top of the Wall. But
stay tuned, cause you never know....

Spelunking and shoe disasters

A brief entry today, and by a sub.  Tamara has succumbed to the energy-draining effects of her appendage and is going to try to head to bed early.  Hence this brief note from the Dad.  By the way, we are able to access blogger now, and thanks for the great comments you've been leaving.  It's nice to have a little contact with home.

 

Today we went on an unscheduled excursion.  Originally, today was supposed to be a shopping day, but since none of us are big shoppers, we asked if we could see more of the countryside.  We ended up with a Japanese-speaking guide (a boon to my folks) and went to the Yiling Caves which are just north of Nanning.
 
When we first found out that we were going to be picking Ren up in Guangxi, we had hoped to be able to visit Guilin, which is the place that has those crazy rock towers coming out of the water that you often see in images of China or Vietnam.  Unfortunately Guilin is a 4-hour train ride from Nanning, so it was not to be.

 

However, today we did get a glimpse of such towers (apparently they're made of karst limestone)on the way to the caves, which were really breathtaking.  Unfortunately we only had a chance to see them from the road, and so we didn't manage to get any good pix.

 

The caves themselves were jaw-droppingly spectacular.  They go deep into the mountain and the "path" is about 1.8km long, with 8 huge caverns along the way, connected by narrow passageways.  They are of course normally pitch dark, but lights come on as you approach each cavern, revealing crazy stalactites, stalagmites (stick-uppy-things and sticky-downy-things), columns, etc.  One of them actually looked like the starship Enterprise.

 

It was great to see a taste of the province in which Ren has grown up, but it did come at a devastating cost.  As you will have seen from earlier entries, Ren is VERY attached to the new green shoes that his foster mother put on his feet when he left her.  The first thing he does every morning is beg to get his shoes on, and he has a mighty tantrum whenever they must be removed.  Yes, he goes to sleep with them on.  Well, when we got back in the van after the cave tour, we noticed that one of them was missing.  Tamara had been carrying him and we never noticed it fall off.  We looked at one of the pictures taken of him towards the end of the tour and he only had one shoe on.  And so, that precious shoe, is somewhere in the depths of the Yiling Caves.

 

Once he discovered the loss, he took it very hard.  He still insisted on keeping his one green shoe on, but did very grudgingly accept putting on a (gasp!) brown shoe on his other foot when we went out tonight, as you will note from one of the pictures above.

 

Overall, Ren is doing well.  We've gone two days now without any real signs of his grief, and slowly we learn who he is.  He's happiest when he's out and about.  He prefers not being in the hotel room.  He likes his drinks room temperature.  He doesn't like either hot or cold drinks.  He likes his green shoes, and he likes his blue sweater.  He doesn't like to have either off, and really really doesn't like to be naked.  He likes his silly sister Kiyomi.  He doesn't like it when his silly sister sits on his new Mom.  And he definitely likes this new treat called "ice cream" which Kiyomi introduced to him tonight.

 

Today was our last day in Nanning.  We've found that Nanning is definitely much more of what one expects from China than other cities we've been in.  Lots of bikes, lots of mopeds, we don't dare cross a road without following the lead of a local.  It's a noisy place, a busy place.  It's growing like crazy, and people are not used to seeing foreigners, especially white chicks with Asian babies stuck to them.

 

Farewell to Nanning, farewell to Guangxi.  We promise to good care of Ren.  And better care of his shoes.

The gods bless pizza hut

I probably haven't been to Pizza Hut in over a decade, but tonight I
went, and what's more, I enjoyed it.

While I would normally shun the very notion of visiting an American
chain restaurant while overseas, there is something about this process
that makes you crave the familiar on a unprecedented scale. I suppose
it's because everything else is turned upside down and is a
challenge. The simplest of acts - like going to the grocery store -
becomes an exerise in communication skills and taxes every neuron to
figure out just what the heck is in the package of noodles and could
that really be pigs-feet flavouring. Having a touchstone like a deep
dish pizza just provides some relief. It's also not just that we have
to figure out dinner when the store fronts and menus are
indecipherable to you, it's that wenow have to do so with two children
in tow, one of whom we are still getting to know. And so, in this
strange world, Pizza Hut becomes a temporary mecca.

The restaurant was actually located in what can only be described as
another world. The area seems nothing like the rest of Nanning. It's
like someone dropped an American outdoor mall in the middle of the
city. Getting there, however, requires going through narrow streets
with all sorts of street food, crammed with people and moppets, small
shops selling everything from trinkets to shoes.

I've grown more used to the stares. I suppose like everything else,
you can start to tune them out a little. I find I can deflect them as
well with a little nod and smile - people with give you a startled nod
and then look away. I know we're an oddity, and frankly, I don't
think I'd do anything different in their position. If I wasn't such a
textbook introvert, it might even be fun!

All in all, Ren did have a better day. We're getting to know his
schedule and habits, and so hopefully have figured out a way to lessen
some of the sharper grief pangs. The morning started out with a trip
to a museum which showcased local ethnic communities and peoples. The
buidling itself is enormous and sits in the middle of a temporary
nowhere. We turned into the 'neighbourhood' where the museum was
located, and it was like driving into a sci-fi movie as the traffic
mysteriously vanished. Turns out the museum is located in the middle
the development waste-land that we had spied from the tower the day
before. It's a beautiful showcase, but there is no one around to see
it at the moment.

Unfortunately, it was hard to follow some of the information that Glen
provided as I was chasing the kids (or at least preventing one or the
other of them from climbing into the dioramas). In truth, though,
what made it really hard to listen to anything was that I was
endlessly saying hello to the few hundred school kids who were
wandering about the place and who would rush over to say hello to me.
The place was literally crawling with school kids, practically
vibrating. It acutally added to the sci-fi feel - think Lord of the
Flies Goes to the Museum.

Ren had a better day - having slept a pretty solid 11 hours last
night. I woke before him and snuck into the shower only to hear this
little whimper when I stepped out of the shower. I opened the door to
see him standing there shoes in hand. Once we put the shoes on and
gave him some sweet milk and a little time to wake up, he seemed ok
and was actually happy to ride the bus. He loves buses, actually, and
the prospect of getting in one makes him pretty happy. He's warming
up to Kohji too, and there was even a point this evening where I
thought he might sit on Kohji's lap. If nothing else, his first
English word is daddy. He likes to yell it and hit Kohji on the
nose. I'm hoping that by Saturday he'll be willing to sit with daddy
for at least a little bit, otherwise it's going to be a long flight to
Beijing.

Kiyomi's day was a little tougher. The constant inability to get near
mom is starting to wear a little on her. She's doing her best, but
over dinner when Ren started to warm up to Kohji while still
monopolizing mommy, Kiyomi's patience started to wear a little thin.
In her own words: "I just picked him up and I started to know Ren but
I really want to tell you something special - I helped him. Something
is wrong he just cries. One day I was crazy. I was sad - I was pushing
him actually, me and Ren were having a fight with mom because Ren
really likes sitting on mom. We feed fish I know that it was really
fun it was on the weekend I think." She's doing amazing, but at 4,
there are limits to reasonable expectations.

Me? I'm hanging in there, but the fatigue at the end of the day is
pretty overwhelming. Ren is pretty much in my arms or on my lad most
of the day, and it's taking some getting used to to have an extra
appendage afixed to me at all times. He's on me so often (and not an
unhefty weight either) that it's easy to forget how little he actually
is. It's only when he walks beside me holding my hand that I remember
he's just a little guy lost in the world and searching for his
touchstones.

Good night from Nanning.

Two steps forward...

... and one rather large step back. Today was a tough day. No point
sugar coating it.

As inevitably must happen, Ren succumbed to a wave of grief this
afternoon and it was hard. He's sleeping now, but mainly out of pure
emotional exhaustion and overload. As he was falling asleep, he let
out little simpering noises that were so much like what I heard 4
years ago from Kiyomi that it shattered my heart. I knew it had to
come, but that doesn't make it any easier.

Unlike our experience with Kiyomi in 2006, Ren definitely insists on
being with me only. He is amused by Kohji, but still won't really let
him hold him and he turns to me for confort. He wants to be held most
of the time and when he's really upset, it's all me, all the time.
This afternoon, he was insistent that he wanted to go outside. We
spent nearly two hours walking (well me carrying him), but as soon as
we walked back into the hotel room, he kept bringing me my shoes and
pointing to the door. He wanted to go out, and was distraught beyond
words when I told him we couldn't. He spent the next couple of hours
alternating between dragging me to the door and sitting on my lap in
tears. Finally, out of sheer exhaustion, he pulled me to the bed,
insisted I lay down with him, and eventually fell asleep. Yes, I'm
already tallying the therapy bills because of all the mistakes I've
made in the last 12 hours...

It's been tough on Kohji too, as he's become the chief kleenex
getting, grocery running, Kiyomi minder. He does, however, manage to
get way more smiles out of Ren then I do. But, without a doubt,
Kiyomi is the queen of smile-getting. She is rolling with every punch
thrown at her throughout this, and frankly, coming through with the
best attitude out of all of us. I asked her tonight how she was
feeling about all of Ren's tears and the fact that I can't really
spend time with her, and she said "Well, it's kinda loud, but that's
ok, cause he's sad just like I was. But he'll like you soon mommy!"
I nearly cried.

There were some good moments today. We went to the Green Mountain
Park this morning, which sits on top of Nanning. It's a pretty area
with these enormous chunks of limestone placed throughout. There were
school groups and older people exercising, and it reminded me in feel
of Assiniboine Park in Winnipeg a little (although not in appearance),
especially given the lake, the pagodas and the obstacle course for
teenagers. There's a tower at the top of the park that allows for a
360 degree view of the city - or what is about to become the city.
Nanning is growing fast. There are cranes everywhere and looking from
the tower, you can see mudland surrounding a new soccer stadium.
According to our guide, the whole area is in development and will be
built up soon. A prefect example of the speed of change here are the
electric bikes - they're everywhere - which have completely overtaken
regular bicycles. Apparently, the electric versions are a farilly new
phenonemom and the traffic chaos we've been experiencing is in part
the result of the fact that so many have been introduced on the roads
so quickly that many of their riders are not yet comfortable or
familiar with thier actual speed. All of which means that crossing a
street, even with the light is kind of like playing frogger.

The highlight for the kids though was feeding the fish. I'm sure
there are tens of thousands of them in the Green Mountain pond and
when you toss food in the water, they become a boiling mass of fins,
gills and mouths. It's hard to describe, but the water pulse with
them and they surge up when a nugget of food lands in the water. Not
sure if koi really make the basis for a good horror flick, but the
image certainly has it's intensity factor. It's clear that Ren has
done this before. Not only did he not need to be shown how to throw
the food, as soon as the bag of fish food was empty he ran for the
vendor and snatched another bag.

It amazes me that he does seem to be able to communicate and I'm sure
there is alot I'm missing because I'm too dense to pick it up. He
also catches on to things frighteningly quickly. If getting my shoes
weren't evidence enough of his earnest ability to communicate, he
stopped as we were coming out of the elevator this afternoon, pointed
at the keycard in my hand, and ran down the hall, stopped at our door
and tried to shove it in the slot. The only reason it didn't work for
him on the first try was because he had it upside down. Now, he's
probably seen this 3 or 4 times over the last 48 hours, but he's
already figured it out. I'm sure there is a lot more going on in that
busy little brain of his, and it saddens me that I can't know more.

Tomorrow, we head to see some limestone caves about 45 minutes out of
town. Here's hoping Ren has a better day.

Good night from Nanning.

Better day

I woke this morning with a feeling of dread. We had to head back to
the same hotel where we met Ren to finalize the paperwork, and I
doubted he would like the excursion.

Surprisingly, he only woke once in the middle of the night. He was
awake for about 1/2 hour, but calmed down instantly as soon as I put
on his shoes. We're not sure why, but he really wants those shoes on
at all times. I've been waiting until he falls asleep to take them
off and then make sure I set them somewhere where they are instantly
ready. It would seem his shoes are his transition object, and I'm not
going to argue with that.

We headed to the hotel and I dreaded every inch as we sped along. I
was hoping for a traffic jam to delay the moment. Wouldn't you know
it, none to be found. How could you not hit a traffic jam in China
when you need one? My fears, though, prooved to be misplaced. He was
not particularly upset by being there and his demeanour was very much
the same most of the morning. A general sadness with a hint of
reluctant acquiesence.

We did see a little more of his personality start to come today and I
can tell you, he has the most musical laugh. It's multi-toned and
rather brilliant. Kiyomi, once again, has been the source of his
smiles and giggles for the most part, although Kohji is managing to
solicit a few giggles here and there. Ren also ate a fairly decent
lunch and dinner, and while not wholeheartedly tucking into food, we
are relieved to see that he is willing and able to eat and drink.

He is showing a definite preference for me, especially when he's upset
or tired. He likes to be carried for the most part, although he was
willing to walk around this afternoon as we wandered through the
People's Park. This is a large Park right near the hotel with an
artificial lake and a variety of amusements including rides, roller
skating and, for those more nautically inclined, human hamster balls
on the water. The park was a nice outing for us and the kids, but
there is a very different feel in these things in China. For lack of
any other words, I would say it seems a little trapped in time,
although for the life of me, I wouldn't be able to tell you what time
period. It just has the feel of having been built and remained
exactly as is for decades. It is obviously a popular spot in the city
though, as the place was teeming today (although I suspect it was
pretty quiet by Nanning standards).

Of course, wandering the Park meant subjecting ourselves to the stares
and I admit, there is a part of me that wants to hide out in the hotel
to avoid being the subject of such attention. Most of you know how
much I love being the center of attention, so having strangers openly
stare and comment about me and my family is uncomfortable, espcially
with the communication barrier. A warm spot on the walk though was
that I did notice on a couple of occassions, Ren wandered ahead, but
turned to look for me. I know it's a small thing and it might even be
temporary, but it's not nothing. The one thing this process teaches
you is to rejoice in the small things, even if they are fleating.

Good night from Nanning.

Words fail...

It's near impossible to describe this process. The anticipation, the
fears, the tears - both happy and sad. Ren is now a part of our
family, but he is in no way happy about it and I can't say that I
blame him.

We killed the morning with some ping-pong and watched the clock until
the appointed hour. Man, can those things move slow. Our guide was
also 15 minutes late, so we were standing in the lobby feeling anxious
and conspicuous for a little while. While he isn't rude or difficult,
I definitely get the impression our guide is none too thrilled with
his job. It did give us a chance though to meet a family from Georgia
who would be meeting their 8 year old daughter.

It was a relatively short drive to the hotel where Ren was already
waiting with a nanny and some of the orphanage officials. We were
ushered up to the fourth floor, and as we turned the corner, we caught
our first glimpse of him toddling down the hall with the nanny. My
heart fell back down to the main floor of the building. I can't
explain why, but there was something so determined and vulnerable
about him all at the same time.

We were led into a large room obviously set up just for this purpose
with a couple of rockers and balls and couches lining one wall. We
waited and could hear the chattering in the hall before Ren was
finally led in. The first few minutes, he watched us uncomfortably
and when his nanny referred to me as 'mama', he looked at her like she
was crazy. He was tentative and uncertain, and rightfully so. With
Kiyomi's help, I spent much of the time trying to get him comfortable
with us, while Kohji learned what he could about Ren's habits, likes,
etc. from the nanny with the guide translating.

I simply can't put into words the feelings - there are none. It is
not elation, though there is some happiness. There is no happiness
for Ren though, and we are expecting the transition to be a tough
one. He insists on keeping his shoes on when he's awake and often
points to the door. We can tell he was well loved in his foster
home. His foster mother dressed him in new clothing, sent along his
favourite drinks, saved the photo book we sent and added some of her
own. His loss is an enormous one, and we can't replace her. We can
only offer what we have, and hope that is enough.

All has not been tears however. After getting back to the hotel, Ren
napped from pure emotional exhaustion. When he woke up, he did drink
a little of the sweet milk his foster mother packed for him and was
willing to accept cheerios from me. After that, we had about 20
minutes where he played happily with his cars, laughed at Kiyomi's
goofiness and wandered the room with a little more certainty. It was
a brief flash of his personality before the grief set in again.

Kiyomi is taking it all in stride and doing her best to be helpful.
She is excited and explains that she knows that Ren is sad because he
doesn't know us yet. I'm sure it's strange for her, especially as it
seems Ren prefers me at the moment and doesn't want to be put down.
It's strange for me too, and after only one afternoon, I miss her
already.

Ren and Kiyomi are now both sleeping the sleep that only children can -
utterly complete and all encompassing with arms flailed out.
Tomorrow, we head out early to the same hotel to complete more
paperwork and make our promises to care for Ren.

Good night from Nanning.