What the…?

As I sit and write this, Eastern Ontario is bracing for yet another winter storm. According to our friends at Environment Canada, we’re expecting up to another 50 centimeters of the stuff in the next 36 hours. This, I should point out, is on top of the already 355 centimeters we’re received so far this year.

Now, it should be noted that we in this house are actually snow junkies. Generally, we love the stuff. But, enough is enough. We are officially ceding property to the snow because there is just nowhere else to put it. Our arms are aching from shoveling (well, at least Kohji’s are cause I make him do most of it), we can’t see out the windows for the snow piles and the general morale of the city is slipping into snow despair.

Thankfully, the snow hasn’t brought a screeching halt to all winter activities. Between the digging and scrapping, we’ve managed to get out and about for some fun. In early February, we got together with a number of adoptive families we know to celebrate Chinese New Year. We are now into the year of the rat (eh, maybe that explains all the snow). Our little group had a great time, with the main activity being watching the toddlers tear around the room. Our kids are all getting so big, and it’s incredible to watch them all together. I can almost imagine a time when they sit there as teenagers at a similar gathering, giggling and colluding.

We took advantage of the record snow to get away for a ski weekend at Mont Tremblant. Kiyomi had the chance to hang out all day with Ella and Alex, by far some of her most favourite people – while moms and dads took advantage of a babysitting service and hit the slopes. Kiyomi was ecstatic to hang out with the cool kids, and mom and dad were rather excited to have the opportunity to actually ski together (well, ok, more like ski in tandem cause lets face it, there is no way I could possibly keep up with Kohji).

Friends from Winnipeg, Pat and Sheila, came for an all too brief visit to take in some of the Winterlude festivities. Kiyomi loved waking them up every morning, and I think they even decided to stop sleeping naked by the last morning when Kiyomi tromped up the stairs yelling "Pat and Sheea, where r uuu"? I also managed to con Pat into dragging the ski pulk on one excursion to Gatineau park, so that was a major score!

We took part in our tenth annual Lumina Lodge excursion near Algonquin Park. This time, Kiyomi spent three days with her most favourite person of all times – her cousin Mika. The girls got on amazingly well and spent a great deal of time wearing princess dresses, giggling and playing in the snow. Kiyomi even went skiing for the first time, and seemed to really love it. It took Kohji a good long time to convince her to take them off and head into the cabin (I believe the promise of a cookie was involved). Of course, I discovered a few days after getting home that Kiyomi had actually been pocketing utensils from the cabin, and brought them home with her to proudly display at daycare!

As for day to day life, it trundles along well. Kiyomi has settled into the pre-school room at school and seems to be liking it a lot. She’s certainly learning more and more, and I have no doubt she’s ready for it. But I confess to the occasional pang when I drop her off. She’s definitely one of the smallest and youngest in her class, and when I leave her, she looks so little that I have to fight the urge to grab her and run. But she’s learning to assert herself more and more, as evidenced by her occasional firm assertions of “no mommy, I don’t like that!” She’s also picking up a little French along the way - rather surprising to us when we heard her count in French the other day.

We’re getting a real kick out of Kiyomi’s ‘pretend’ play. It’s pretty hilarious to watch her concocts scenarios for all of us. A typical exchange with her might be something like: “ok, ok, ok, ok, you, you, you, be Dora, you be Boots and I Swipper”. You can substitute Simba, Nala, Pumba and Timon if you prefer, but you get the gist. She also has developed a fondness for pretending to be a cat, and will meow and crawl into your lap. You can actually carry on an entire conversation with her in “meows”. That exchange is a little more tedious:

Kiyomi – “meow, meow, meow”
Me – “meow, meow”
Kiyomi – “meeow, meow, meow, meow”

Well, you get the idea. This can go on for quite some time.

Her independent streak is definitely growing, and we often hear “I do it!” Whether it’s put on her jacket, get in the car seat or vacuum the floor, she definitely has ideas about who should be doing what. I don’t mind saying she’s got a wee bit of a bossy streak going on as well, and has no compulsion about telling you exactly what you should be doing at any given moment.

That said - and fair warning, I pass this along as one of those proud parent moments – I wound up taking her to my guitar lesson a couple weeks ago and was rather amazed with how incredibly well she behaved. She watched my teacher intently and tried to mimic his foot tapping, which she happily bopped along in her chair to his rendition of “Bare Necessities”from The Juggle Book. She was priceless to watch!

Of course, I had a less proud moment about 3 weeks ago when this blasted winter managed to freeze both locks on our car doors. Kohji had to climb through the trunk and Kiyomi and I went in through the window. It was, admittedly, hilarious. But, it was a little on the embarrassing side a little later when we had to haul Kiyomi out of the window at the daycare, as she was yelling “yeehaw” thanks to the Dukes of Hazard yell I had taught her going in. Yup, just another one of those proud parent moments!

Although not the custom for me, I close this entry on a rather sad note. We had a wonderful time celebrating Chinese New Year with some of the families with whom we traveled to China, but I had a few very sad moments watching our beautiful girls. My thoughts went to another amazing little girl who should have been around to celebrate, but who passed away unexpectedly this past November. Faith was from the same orphanage as Kiyomi. The two girls were born only a few days apart and we had the incredible honour of watching Faith be united with her parents. Her death has been deeply felt by all of us in our travel group, and our thoughts are often with her parents who miss her horribly. Faith was definitely with us as we honoured her heritage and the land of her birth, and I believe she will always be in our hearts.

The parting shot for tonight just screams 1000 words. Good night from a rather snowy Ottawa.

Tantrums to travels

Here’s a little secret that they don’t teach you in the parenting books – things sneak up on you. Sure, you’ve memorized the developmental charts and you know that at certain points, your child is going to go through stages. Things might happen. Unpleasant things. But, you’ve read the books, studied the charts, are able to understand, and therefore, rationalize your child’s behaviour, so you’ll have the patience and control to deal with it. Yay right! Good luck with that one.

What the parenting books don’t tell you is that your little angel doesn’t go from a peaceful, good-natured doll to a screaming banshee over night. You don’t wake up one morning to find that your child is now in the disequilibrium stage and therefore is likely to be difficult, prone to tantrums, stubborn. You don’t tick off stages the way you do days on a calendar. No, no, no. You’re child has been steadily, subtly building towards this. So by the time your parent-delayed brain recognizes what’s happening, it’s too late. You’ve already inadvertently reinforced the behaviour you’re trying to avoid on a number of occasions. You have been complicit in the creation of the writhing, demonic creature in front of you that you can’t possibly recognize as your child above the shrill-cries and tortured convulsions that are the full blown temper tantrum (all because you didn’t get her boots on fast enough, or she dropped the cookie).

As you can tell from the above, right on target, Kiyomi has introduced us to the joys of the temper tantrum. That sweet little face twists and contorts, the lips part in the build-up to the echoing scream, and that little body throws itself onto the floor, arms and legs flaying as if Stephen King had written the script.

Thankfully, the real action didn’t start until after our trip to Australia. We’re guessing that it was just pure exhaustion that stemmed the arrival of the all out tantrum. Between the 36 straight hours of travel, the myriad of airplanes and plethora of time zones, I didn’t even know which way was up half the time. It was little wonder Kiyomi could only muster resigned acquiescence as we stood her yet again in front of the camera, steered her to another beach or introduced her to yet another zoo. A good time was had by all, and Kiyomi now knows more about marsupials than any 2 ½ year old should really be subjected to. Needless to say, a ridiculous number of pictures were taken and we’re all still bragging about the sandal tans! For those of you contemplating a long trip of any kind with a toddler, I have three words - portable dvd player. It saved us (or at least our marriage) as travelling for 36 straight hours with a toddler is an experience akin to ... well, I'm not sure there's anything like it on the planet. Interestingly, it seems that Kiyomi’s words increased ten-fold while we were travelling. Now, it could be that she finally managed to train our ears properly, but by the end of the trip, she was pretty much holding her own in conversations. Oh sure, she wasn’t postulating on the outcome of the US primaries, but she was certainly able to tell you that the kangaroo was hopping and eating cones!

After 2 ½ weeks travelling together, there were some daycare re-entry issues. Not only was there jet-lag to contend with, but Kiyomi objected rather strenuously to being back at school even though she was happy to see her friends and teachers. The mornings were rough for a couple weeks as we all strove to find our new routine – not helped by the impending shadow of the holidays looming which meant a normal routine was pretty much nixed. This was when we started to see the foreshadowing of the tantrums, but we initially just chalked it up to jet-lag and routine re-entry. We also started to see the first stirrings of real, and constant, clinginess (also supposed to be age appropriate). Nothing like trying to unwrap your child’s iron grip from your leg, while she’s screaming ‘mama, mama’ with tears streaming down her face to make you fill like the most vile parent on the planet.

Upon our return from Australia, we pretty much plunged straight into Christmas where Kiyomi got a double dose of family as both our extended families made the trek to Ottawa this year. She was a little puzzled as to why unca braom and unca tistan seemed to sleep all the time, but other than that, I think she enjoyed having a house full of people.

The Suzuki wave arrived shortly after the Miller one departed, so there was some hard on the heels visiting. Exhausting, but fun. Some challenges, as Kiyomi had a pretty bad cold for much of the holidays and wasn’t the most gracious hostess for her cousins. Again, nothing like having to discipline your child’s behaviour (even though you know that you dragging her all over the place, keeping her up late, and forcing her to visit , is probably the reason for the behaviour) to make you feel like the rotten parent of the year.

Lest you think it’s only been negatives over the last little while, there have been some wonderful ups. We’ve more or less successfully conquered toilet training. It took her a couple of months, but Kiyomi has finally trained us. Sure, there are still occasional accidents, but we’re pretty much there (at least during the day).

This winter has been pretty much ideal for us ski-types. Snow up the wazoo, and Kiyomi loves to play in it. Luckily for us (although maybe not so much for her), she also still fits in the ski-pulk, so we’ve been out a few times already this year. Again this year, she goes into it with a sort of resigned expression on her face, recognizing that she’s just going to have to put up with these crazy things her parents do until she’s big enough to out-ski them!

Kiyomi moved up to pre-school just this week and is now holding her own with the big kids. It’s still early days, but she seems to be enjoying being with the bigger kids. With the move, she’s gone from being one of the oldest to one of the youngest in her group – and she looks so small next to the others in her class now. However, she seems to respond well to the older kids and we’re fully expecting she’ll be bringing home all sorts of new tricks.

Overall though, she’s developing from a toddler to a little girl. She’s just starting with imaginative play, which is fascinating to watch, and has embarked on the toddler independence streak of “me do!” She talks a blue streak and has clear ideas on what she wants (and doesn’t want). She’s certainly keeping us busy (as evidenced by the lack of any real blogging activity as of late) and we're loving every minute of it (just about - could live without the banshee experience).


If we haven't managed to touch base with you yet, a very happy new year to you and all the best for 2008!

The parting shot for tonight shows Kiyomi playing Timon to her dad's Pumba... hakuna matata from Ottawa.

Made it before November!

My blogging prowess is somewhat non-existent these days. I knew going back to work would slow things down, but here it is almost two months since my last post! Ah well, what I lack in frequency, I try to make up for through a ridiculous number of cutsey pictures.

Oddly, not much has happened in the last couple months, but there is so much to tell…

As usual with a toddler, there has been a number of firsts and starts in the last couple month. Kiyomi’s had her first day of school (aka daycare), first hair cut, first weekend away from mommy (that one was more traumatic for me than her), first attempts at toilet training, and first meeting with the Mayor?!? But, let’s start from the beginning…

We said good-bye to Krysten in September as, after months and months and months on a number of waiting lists, we finally managed to slip into a daycare spot. The first day was rough, as all of us were unsure about the whole thing. But in typical Kiyomi fashion, she took it in stride and by the end of that first week, she was excited about going to school and waving us off with a nod and a grin in favour of all her little buddies and the excitement of new toys, circle time, the playground. She’s happy and comfortable there. Not for the first time, I’m struck by how my daughter, even at the tender young age of two, is able to live a life separate from me. Most days, she seems so little in the world, yet I marvel at how she is forging relationships, memories and learning without us.

While I headed to New York City for a weekend with the girls in late September, Kohji and Kiyomi hit the road for Toronto for a visit with the Suzuki/Shaw conglomerate, which included a first meeting with the newest addition, cousin Kai. Yes, now there is someone in Kiyomi’s family smaller than her, and she’s thrilled about it. So, not only did she get to hang with Mika (her all time favourite activity), she also got to touch a real, live, honest to goodness baby.
Part of the weekend included a haircut at Melon Heads. This is a brilliant business concept – a hair salon (although I don’t think salon is quite the right word) devoted uniquely to kids. The kids get to sit in any number of funky chairs (racing car, airplane, Thomas the Train), and have staff who actually have some experience with cutting kids hair. Simple, but brilliant. Kiyomi got to sit in a fire engine and get a trim, allowing us to do away with the ever transient and disappearing barrettes (at least for a little while).

We’ve also embarked on the journey that is toilet training. We stalled on this for a little while, even after we felt she was ready. In part, because it didn’t seem necessary, but also in part because the endless advice on toilet training was daunting, confusing, irritating, inspirational or just plain weird. If you’ve ever spent even an iota of time looking at the literature, the one thing you take away is rather simple – ‘screw this up, and you’re in for it.’ They tell you toilet training is a simple concept, but do the wrong thing, and you can traumatize your kid and wind up being in a potty nightmare for months. They tell you to be patient, but don’t tell you how you’re supposed to accomplish that when you carrying a dripping, screaming kid at arms length to the bathroom for the 4th time tonight. Training pants are bad, training pants are good, 2 is too early, 2 is too late, no potty treat, you need potty treats… it goes on and on. I still have no idea if we’re doing it right. All I can say for sure is that I have never been happier that our washer/dryer are located on the main floor.

There have been some success, some failures, countless dashes to the bathroom, a number of puddles on the floor and a lot more laundry. All in all, though, there is definite progress.

I’ve decided though, that the advice books have it all wrong. It’s not about the parents training the child, it’s about the child training the parents. It’s quite simple really, toddlers will use the potty, you just have to get them there in time. The problem is that you can’t spend your entire day parked in the bathroom (although it is tempting) watching for that head tilt, eye blink, strange look, or whatever little tell your child has that says “I’m about to pee.” So, toilet training is about achieving the balance that allows you to still get out of the bathroom and interact with the rest of the world, while at the same time, limiting the number of times you find yourself saying “oh, oh another accident; that’s ok”, while your brain is screaming “again!? But you just peed 10 minutes ago, and we’ve already been through 4 pairs of pants today!”.

Small things continue to surprise us on a regular basis. Recently, it’s become obvious that out of nowhere, Kiyomi’s gotten bigger and stronger. One day, she needs a hand to walk up the front steps, the next, she’s barrelling up them completely unaided without breaking stride. When did that happen? We’re having to move things further back on the counter, out of reach of curious, wandering hands. Clothes that were gargantuan on her last spring, and I thought for sure would last her another year, are short and tight.

Her latest grown-up activity is ‘helping’ in the kitchen. At first, we thought this was the perfect antidote to the ‘upas’ syndrome that seemed to take hold as soon as we managed to get in the door after work. You know the one, you’re trying to juggle the telemarketer call, put the pasta on the boiling water, slice up some veggies in yet another sad attempt to convince yourself that you’re feeding your family a balanced diet, and your child grabs a hold of the bottom of your shirt and starts shouting ‘up-aaaa, up-aaaa’! Kiyomi seemed to respond brilliantly to the ‘Kiyomi, would you help set the table?’ as you sent the poor sucker… er, I mean… child off to put one utensil on the table, and be delighted to receive another when she got back to the kitchen. We’ve not sure if she figured out the play or not, but the bloom eventually came off the rose, and she was having none of our slave labour trickery. Our back-up has been to have her ‘help’ with the veggies. Mommy cuts, and Kiyomi puts them in the bowl. It’s a workable compromise for the moment, but it should be noted for every one slice that winds up in the bowl, two head down the assistant’s gullet.

She’s also getting better and better at singing. You can even recognize tunes and words and she sings away to herself. She’s also insisting on certain songs every time she gets in the car. It started with the ‘Hole in the Bottom of the Sea”, but now she commands tracks by shouting out “Shine Song”, “Car Song”, “Obladee-Obladas”. Fred Penner and the Beatles top the toddler charts in our house, so we’re keeping with Miller family traditions.

All this brings us up to tonight - Halloween! Kiyomi is out wandering the streets, her dad in tow and firmly grasping her bag of goodies. She seems to get the concept this year, and had the priviledge (?) have having the mayor use her class as a photo op today. Not sure if she actually met the mayor, but we understand he was making an appearance this morning.

The parting shot for tonight is another Kohji collage. Happy Halloween from Ottawa (and now back to stealing Kiyomi's candy).